Oh well life goes on.....

Well I am pissed that hubby got tomorrow and Christmas Day off as well. Oh well.
My plan is 100-200 calories a day 'til I lose this weight, hardcore restriction and Adderall will help me get there

Restricting intake

288 cals today.( 2 chicken sausages, 1 egg, 4 egg whites.) and I took my Adderall XR and vitamins.
400 yesterday not bad.

So I wonder if anyone is ever going to write me comments or something on here. Maybe I shouldn't come on here anymore. I'm not sure.
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My 2013 New Year's Resolution:

Save money!!
Lose weight lose weight weight!
Lose the boobs that I have!
Buy more skinny clothes
Be beautiful
Have confidence
Feel better about myself during sex.

Blah

11:30pm
400 cals today,
8 fat grams,
58grams of protein,
20 carb grams.....
water 0
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Had breakfast: 100 calories of egg whites(20 grams of protein) and 160 calories(14 grams of protein) of Chobani strawberry banana yogurt 2%(I wish they'd make 0%!)

mannequin trigger

Today we went to the mall and I was poking around and then went to Victoria Secrets to just look around & the fucking mannequin triggered me a bit. I want to be as thin as that fucking mannequin!!!!
I know I can't be it's height but still.....
Tomorrow, I'm getting up as a normal hour by like 8am and I'm going to have oatmeal(100 calorie oatmeal package) & scrambled egg whites(it's the 100% liquid egg whites)(I'll put some red pepper flakes and Frank's Red Hot on it)
(Spiciness is suppose to supposedly speed up your metabolism so then you'll be burning even more calories. I know that my BMR is 1628.5 if that's even really correct or not)
(In order to have my BMI of 20 I'll have to weigh 102lbs)
I'll measure out the egg whites. Then afterwards I'll take my Adderall XR.
Also I need to get this blood work done so I can go to the gym and work out with the trainer. I'm fucking nervous about working with a trainer. I do want to work with him/her then go by myself to do the pool and sauna and I have an treadmill and elliptical here at the house. I just need to get fucking motivated to use the elliptical since I can't use the treadmill right now.

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Emotions suck major ass

I feel a lot of emotions right now.
I just don't know anything anymore.

I want to be thin

I want to be thin.

Hello, new blog, new home, new start, new life??

Well this is going to be a bit strange for a while. I can see it all ready. So here I am a new Blogger person per say. Oh well, here goes nothing. This week is Thanksgiving to everyone in the good 'ol USA. I am looking forward to it actually.
Granted, Aunt Flo came to visit tonight as well. I wonder how long it'll last for. Maybe I won't need the operation after all. I'll have to wait and see about that.
I am nervous about some things but that is all quite normal, I guess.
I have been looking through web browsers lately to see if I can lose this fat that is covering over my body.
I want to lose at least 70lbs. I wish I could it by April of 2013 but that's only a few months away. I still cannot believe that November flew by so quickly too. Hell, this year fucking flew by really fast. It is quite scary now that I think about it.
I hope things continue to go well with Mike. He's been great to me throughout these couple of years. A lot of things have happened and its just part of life.
I am just nervous about being back home with some of my family who I haven't seen in a few months. I'm scared of binging on the Thanksgiving food. It IS going to be a LOT of food and its all yummy too.
God help me not to binge. I want to lose this weight.
Maybe I need a buddy or something. I'm not sure.