Much needed update

Long time no see. Life's been crazy since I wrote last. I had the baby in September, on September 28th, he weighed 9lbs 5oz, 21 inches long. I had a c-section because I couldn't push him out vaginally. Thanksgiving came and went. It was ok. It wasn't like what I did for Thanksgiving but I was happy to be part of a family-a new family, with my son, our son. 

Today, is December 1st(I can't believe this year is already over like holy crap!) hopefully, today we can get a Christmas tree. I really want the tree. This will be my first Christmas tree, I can't wait. Christmas is my all time favorite holiday. I can get a little Christmas crazy :) ooh! yeah! I'm not diabetic at the moment however I NEED to lose some weight. I'd like to lose say like, I already lost 53lbs in a month from the birth but I'm now 

yo-yo-ing between 8 lbs and I'm not liking it at all. I'm still breast feeding. I'm not getting the amount of milk I want either. I had a period in October and nothing at all in November. I took the pregnancy test and it came out negative. So I don't know what's going on exactly. 

I want to be at least 120lbs by next Christmas if I can. I hope that maybe I can join Zumba or something to burn off the fat that's covering my ugly body.

I have the treadmill & elliptical machine but I think I need a battery in the elliptical or something because now it doesn't tell me what the calories you're burning at all. 

Much needed update

28 weeks & 1 day. 3rd trimester, 7 months pregnant.

My weight has increased badly, like 4lbs in a day. I know it's probably water weight. I have been told that these are the months where Joey will gain most of this weight. He weighed in at 2.8lbs on Monday when I went for the growth scan & ultrasound, which I have to go in for another one in August. Ugh! Enough with the damn doctors already!

The past couple of weeks have been crazy. My poor kitty has been really sick. It was over $110 a week ago and it was over $400 the other day for him. He's on another antibiotic and now on a steroid. I hope he gets better and soon. I hate that I can't do more for him.

I have been up for a couple of hours tossing and turning. 

Good 'ol Xanga will be closing soon. I'm going to miss it, it's been my home for 10 years. *sighs* 

This morning, I have an appointment to see my case manager. She's really nice. 

I'll be meeting her at BAM! hopefully I can find a new ED book or magazine to buy.

The past couple of days I've been hungry. Like major hungry. I don't want my weight to increase THAT much. I mean I have gained quite a lot too. Well I think I have anyways.

I have been looking on eBay for cute Victoria's Secret shirts. I'm in need of some new clothes, granted I'm not sure if they're going to fit me or not right now but I want to feel good about myself.

The other thing is that I'm worried about getting pregnant again after birth. I know it can happen and truthfully I wouldn't mind it but I do because I don't wanna be like 300lbs one day either like ew no! I want to lose this weight. I want to be thin and beautiful again. I'm worried that hubby might leave me one day because of my weight. I know, I know.

Oh Boy!

April wasn't a good month. My soon to be mother in law passed away. The funeral was very hard.

On May 7th hubby and I went to the 3D ultrasound place and we found out we're pregnant with a boy. Even though he wanted another girl. Oh well there's always next time around. I'm now 19 weeks and 2 days pregnant. Tonight we're getting a thunderstorm. We need the rain. I'm going to try to do a big ass garden this year. I want to plant tomatoes, potatoes, celery, broccoli, beets, sunflowers, lettuce, peppers, and so much more but I can't do any fruit trees which kinda sucks. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. 

I went grocery shopping the other day and couldn't help myself so I got Petey the penguin for my baby boy. It's so soft and cuddly. 

My weight has increased. I'm on 2 kinds of insulin for the Gestational diabetes. Hopefully it goes away when the baby is born. I can't be diabetic at all. I just can't. I need to up my exercise as well. If I can't walk outside then I'll do the treadmill. I just need hubby to finish hooking it up for me. 

Oh my God! Oh my God! :)

The past couple of days I've been weird. Reason for it is that I'm pregnant. I found out around 12:30am on January 31st 2013. Then later that day I went for blood work and my HCG is in the 1,000's. I am about 3-4 weeks. I'll be going in for more blood work Monday morning.
We are both happy and excited. Last night I ordered myself 5 pairs of yoga pants, The Little Mermaid DVD, the morning sickness bracelet, the book what to eat when you're expecting.
I'm going to have to order myself a pregnancy pillow.
I went food shopping:
Dietz & Watson buffalo chicken
Diets & Watson Munster cheese
oranges
spinach artichoke hummus
honey dew melon
lemons
apples
veggie cheese
cantaloupe
salad
watermelon
lean beef burgers
strawberries
5 jars of pickles
and I got 3 packages of light burger buns they were only $1.25 each instead of $3-5 each!
And 3 loafs of bread. I froze two of the loafs just to have it on hand.
I'm going to have to apply for fuel assistance and for WIC since I need some help since I'm on disability.
Right now I'm laying down watching Lifetime's "15 & Pregnant".
I finished paying my bills and paid off my Colt and now with everything all said and done I'm broke now for the month.

Oh well life goes on.....

Well I am pissed that hubby got tomorrow and Christmas Day off as well. Oh well.
My plan is 100-200 calories a day 'til I lose this weight, hardcore restriction and Adderall will help me get there

Restricting intake

288 cals today.( 2 chicken sausages, 1 egg, 4 egg whites.) and I took my Adderall XR and vitamins.
400 yesterday not bad.

So I wonder if anyone is ever going to write me comments or something on here. Maybe I shouldn't come on here anymore. I'm not sure.
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My 2013 New Year's Resolution:

Save money!!
Lose weight lose weight weight!
Lose the boobs that I have!
Buy more skinny clothes
Be beautiful
Have confidence
Feel better about myself during sex.

Blah

11:30pm
400 cals today,
8 fat grams,
58grams of protein,
20 carb grams.....
water 0
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Had breakfast: 100 calories of egg whites(20 grams of protein) and 160 calories(14 grams of protein) of Chobani strawberry banana yogurt 2%(I wish they'd make 0%!)

mannequin trigger

Today we went to the mall and I was poking around and then went to Victoria Secrets to just look around & the fucking mannequin triggered me a bit. I want to be as thin as that fucking mannequin!!!!
I know I can't be it's height but still.....
Tomorrow, I'm getting up as a normal hour by like 8am and I'm going to have oatmeal(100 calorie oatmeal package) & scrambled egg whites(it's the 100% liquid egg whites)(I'll put some red pepper flakes and Frank's Red Hot on it)
(Spiciness is suppose to supposedly speed up your metabolism so then you'll be burning even more calories. I know that my BMR is 1628.5 if that's even really correct or not)
(In order to have my BMI of 20 I'll have to weigh 102lbs)
I'll measure out the egg whites. Then afterwards I'll take my Adderall XR.
Also I need to get this blood work done so I can go to the gym and work out with the trainer. I'm fucking nervous about working with a trainer. I do want to work with him/her then go by myself to do the pool and sauna and I have an treadmill and elliptical here at the house. I just need to get fucking motivated to use the elliptical since I can't use the treadmill right now.

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Emotions suck major ass

I feel a lot of emotions right now.
I just don't know anything anymore.

I want to be thin

I want to be thin.

Hello, new blog, new home, new start, new life??

Well this is going to be a bit strange for a while. I can see it all ready. So here I am a new Blogger person per say. Oh well, here goes nothing. This week is Thanksgiving to everyone in the good 'ol USA. I am looking forward to it actually.
Granted, Aunt Flo came to visit tonight as well. I wonder how long it'll last for. Maybe I won't need the operation after all. I'll have to wait and see about that.
I am nervous about some things but that is all quite normal, I guess.
I have been looking through web browsers lately to see if I can lose this fat that is covering over my body.
I want to lose at least 70lbs. I wish I could it by April of 2013 but that's only a few months away. I still cannot believe that November flew by so quickly too. Hell, this year fucking flew by really fast. It is quite scary now that I think about it.
I hope things continue to go well with Mike. He's been great to me throughout these couple of years. A lot of things have happened and its just part of life.
I am just nervous about being back home with some of my family who I haven't seen in a few months. I'm scared of binging on the Thanksgiving food. It IS going to be a LOT of food and its all yummy too.
God help me not to binge. I want to lose this weight.
Maybe I need a buddy or something. I'm not sure.